Which Frat House Is the Best?

Posted by Jay

Let's start this one off by saying that LMU is not the prototypical GREEK school. I mean, sure we have a few frats and sororities, but the Greek system does not consume most people's lives like it does at such powerhouses as USC or UCSB. For further information on Greek-dominated lives, feel free to consult Blake Parrish, Dave Moore, or Jen Matteucci -- but for the rest of us chemically-balanced people, the Greek system is primarily a social outlet. Because let's face it -- all the "cool" kids are in one and they throw the best parties on campus... Well, actually, they throw the only parties on campus. On an average Friday night, your options pretty much consist of going to that Lambda Chi shitshow or hanging out in your dorm room watching porn. Ironically, both of these options carry the same amount of weight, ultimately leading to the same unavoidable ending: you jerking off.

In this article, I shall attempt to disect FRAT parties (yes, only frats -- I'll never again even whisper a joke about sororities on this website due to the threat of severed limbs and expulsion). I'll discuss what transpires at each different house, ultimately counting down to the most frat-tastic, MTV Cribs-status, and completely amoral party hosue. This article should give you a nice little guide to which RUSH party you will have the most fun at this coming weekend.

5. Holy Cross: Despite the fact that this house was recently retired by ADG, I still had to put it on my list for a couple reasons. First of all, their annual Jamaican Me Crazy party consistently ruled and brought out HUGE crowds. I have vague memories of this party from my freshman and sophomore year, probably because they had endless amounts of cheap vodka and blunts literally everywhere. The other thing that has always fascinated me about this house is its fear-factor. It could possibly be the scariest house I've ever walked into. If you wanted to play some practical joke on trick-or-treaters or fuck it... on anybody, this is the place to do it. It never fails to be dark and you feel like someone's always touching your ass (someone probably is). It's classic frat-feel and annual parties lands the Holy Cross house the #5 spot on my list. Oh and not to mention, after the ADG kids moved out, the house had to be completely renovated. I mean, with all the damage done over the years, it was like reconstructing Michael Jackson's face... They're still not done.

4. Kenyon (formerly the Rugby House): Now inhabited by Lambda Chi, the Kenyon caretakers have managed to sustain the alcohol abuse and physicality of the old Rugby players. There are two primary reasons I put Kenyon as #4. First and foremost, whether it be their distance from campus or their endless supply of Keystone Light, Kenyon parties are usually gigantic. Literally, it will take you fifteen minutes to get across the backyard on a good night. Secondly, physicality is always in effect at Kenyon. What do I mean? Let me give you two examples -- one night I witnessed a kid fall from the top of the outdoor stairs, over the railing, only to shatter the water-lines turning Kenyon into a fucking foam party. On another occasion, there was a police scuffle that almost ended in a Rodney King-like massacre. Physicality. Oh and I almost forgot -- Kenyon parties can be a little deceiving due to the fact that the garage is the hang-out spot, so if you walk into an empty house, reroute yourself to the garage where you will undoubtedly find twenty intoxicated beer-pong-playing kids listening to 60s music.

3. Greenhouse: You can't have a party-house list without mentioning the Greenhouse. It is the legendary Sig Ep abode that has been the host to a number of classic ragers. The funny thing about the Greenhouse is they never really organize a party... it just happens. Nightly. I don't remember the last time I walked into the Greenhouse when there were less than fifteen people there. Secondly, if you don't smoke something, whether it be weed, cigarettes, or hookah, the Greenhouse may not be the place for you. Having a record ten household hookahs, the Greenhouse manages to peer pressure every last person at the party to smoke, turning their house into the Surgeon General's worst nightmare. Their constant role of host landed the Greenhouse the #3 spot on my list.

2. Billow: Sigma Chi's Billowvista house is the only place on the planet you can attend a party with three of your best friends and never see them again the rest of the night. I swear, it's like a big black hole that you might or might not come out of. As far as dimensions go, Billow has the most party space, and is the reason why their parties are consistently out of control. I would not be surprised if Lion Express has Billow on their navigation systems considering their parties for some reason attract a lot of underclassmen. With all this being said, the main reason I put Billow at #2 is because of the sheer amount of people at their parties and the fact that even though I'm good friends with the guys that live there, I never fail to be bombarded with new faces (for example, that one girl I knew first semester freshman year that tried to committ suicide on vodka and prescription pills, had a one-year stint in rehab, and is now taking a "back to LA to have a good time" shot). Billow rules: you must smoke marijuana at some point during the course of the night and don't go on the balcony because it has a tendency to come crashing down.

1. Playa: Yes, another Lambda Chi house tops the list. You should not be surprised considering Lambda Chi is the drunkest frat on campus. What makes Playa a classic party-house? This lies in their house motto: "We don't give a shit." Literally having one of the nicest college houses I've ever seen, when it comes time to party, they bring out all the alcohol, invite the world, and let it ride. And that is why Playa parties are legendary. Playa parties cram the same amount of people at Billow parties into less space, turn on the surround sound, disco balls and 80s music, and convert the guest-house into an herbal paradise. When girls aren't falling off balconies, their parties are pretty much sweaty ultra-drunken slumberparties; at the end of the night, Playa turns into a hotel with people crashed literally everywhere. There are two factors that separate Playa from the rest of the pack. First, high-end alcohol is always in order -- Popov doesn't cut it for these guys. And second, there are always a lot of girls at Playa parties, probably due to the fact that they get so fucked up, they're incapacitated for the rest of the night.

Join a frat. Soon.

Comments

wait.... no Beta house?

wait... there are beta houses?

[Matt E]

hey you left out the alternative to a baller playa party, Rindge job. Possibly the best view of any house on campus, or in the area. Also, this house is frequently known for parties where no one is in the house, by the keg, and everyone is huttled around a beer pong table fighting over who is next in line. On a personal level i am gonna have to put Rindge on the list at number 3.

[aradi]

i second that. ringejob is not only the best place to drink 7 nights a week, it's also the most depressing, because they never clean it. one night, i saw someone throw up all over the floor at ringe. When i came by the next day, there was just a pile of newspapers over the vomit, much like the movie Big Daddy.

rindge is like a black hole where some girls cant get out till the AM.

[Playa Rat]

playa is the best. - Rat

[Matt E]

but isn't that a good thing...

[Camille]

you should probably mention that fucking alochol dispensing machine at playa.

hahah sooo truee.... those rindgejob boys are a bad influence on nive and innocent girlssss

[R.]

so, are you guys in frats?

[d]

Holy Cross tops all those houses. not even a contest

[Jay]

JV and I are unaffiliated, John is a member of the phenomenal group of guys known as Sigma Chi.

[:o)]

now since all the guys are MIA instead of the girls, I bet you boys are really lovin this week. haha

it's friday night and every single pref is tonight. Have fun JV and Sanjay. Hahaha

[Joshu]

Nothing will ever top the good old fashioned Stanmoor sausage fest.

[arch]

anyone whos slept in the birds nest of the Rindge job knows its the best party house

[The man upstairs]

I agree with Josh that rindge probably should be put up there..second off i'd like to point out the beautiful bar that was made by the old men that used to inhabit that house and made it the shit show that it was.

beta house is sick... parties are quite decent too