BALLLLIN'

[Editor's note: We have another reader contributed article that was sent to us for your entertainment. This one is about.. well... I'll let the title speak for itself. I will say, however, that this message will probably be lost on those that are meant to hear it because I don't think they own computers.]

"The Trouble with the Poor"

In recent weeks, there has been an outpouring of outrage toward the “rich LMU kids” that many feel give LMU a bad name. To those that would critique the lifestyle of the ruling bourgeoisie that control this campus, I would say to you: good luck. It has been long held that it is the rich that do, and should, hold power. Look at world history, what did the plebeians offer?  I would say to those that think that we, the upper crust of the socio-economic baguette, are unfounded in our cockiness and attitudes: get a life.

There is no room for bitterness in this world. Just think about it, if your parents had worked harder, you could be just like us. I’m sure you are having fun eating at the lair and sipping your Natty Light, but I would greatly prefer heading into Westwood to go to this great little sushi place I found, while sipping on an award-winning ale produced by trappist monks in Belgium. Maybe you can’t afford the life of luxury and pleasure that I happen to live, but that does not mean that you have any place to be upset that I happen to be able to maintain a standard of living that you can only dream of.

Sorry, I can afford to go to LMU and not have to work some menial job to pay off my insurmountable student loans that will crush me as I try to move into the corporate world. Indeed, my rise to the top will be upon the backs of the peasants, slaving away to serve and please me on hand and foot.

And another thing, where do you people get off defending people that are supposed to be doing their jobs for attacking innocent students? The incident at Iggy’s is only a concrete example of such. Just think of all of the bad attitudes and the incompetence that we have to deal with on a daily basis, and ask yourself if that, too, is not an attack upon the student body as a whole. Their job is to serve me, for christ’s sake, and when they don’t I expect retribution. When I come into an overpriced on-campus diner at 1:55 in the morning, I expect a smile and a wink as I order my food, and peppy service with my curly fries. My parents are not paying your salary for you to sit around and disrespect me. Capiche?

Of course, I understand that not all people can maintain this type of lifestyle, and I am not going to kid around and tell you that I expect you to be able to understand. You poor people really just need to get a grip on reality. If you work hard, perhaps you will be able to have the ways and means accessible to my friends and I someday!

So good luck plebeians of LMU! Sit idly by and wait to starve to death while I gorge myself on this delicious chardonnay and an assortment of fine cheeses.

With love,
Bradley Martin Mills III

Comments

Wow, you are ofically the biggest duchebag on campus. Congrats!

[Jay]

WOW... ridiculous. How did this get approved to be posted? Nice work John you dick.

[anonymous]

This better be some kind of sick joke, eww is all I have to say

[d]

we fly high, no lie......just kidding, or im not?

what a piece of shit. unless he himself earned his money he can't say a word.

[Big Tymers]

finally someone speaks the truth. man listen to D, we fly high, we got that paper mayne. what you know bout it. if you dont know bout it you can't speak on it so fall back, we on that paper chase son.. FLOSSIN

this is only funny if he's serious.

[laura]

Hmmmmmmmm.....Bradley Martin Mills III, Karma will bite you dick off!
Enjoy it :)

Ignoring the complete sardonic nature of this article, I hope no one at this school truly believes that the Iggy's incident was a worker attacking an "innocent" student.

I know, sometimes it's really reallyyy hard to lower your Chanel sunglasses and see the real world, but I guess we all have challenges. And while most of you will not even take notice of the 'plebians' of the world until you are so direly are in need of a nanny, take note that they have more value as a human being than most of you ever will.

On the bright side, when people do stuff like this, it does give me something to laugh at....something that's at least a little funnier than your future alcohol abuse.

Oh, and by the way, Bradley...a word of caution. I've heard some rumors of a nasty case of gonorrhea going around campus...you might want to be careful on that next date-rape.

[Matt E]

wow, I found this article quite funny. Though I am an inconsiderate bastard, i find it hilarious how the rich LMU students respond to the article by quoting "Big Tymers", YOUR WHITE AND RICH (p.s. thats jst an assumption due to the stats of LMU dont get your hippie pants in a bunch). People just face it, you cannot relate to the poor unfortunate workers of LMU. If you do attend this school your parents have money and you probably haven't suffered your entire life, so stop trying to relate. I must leave with a quote, "people say that money cannot buy happiness. But those same people forget to realize that poverty cannot buy shit." So with that, go out to 360 lounge, spend too much of your daddy's money and quit your bitchin, your rich and you know you love it.

Hahaha. Why's everyone getting their panties in a bunch? I'm sure by now you must've realized that this website is intended for humor...

[anonymous]

you poor people suck

[The Voice of Reason]

I assume that most of you are famiiliar with the News-satire comedy shown known as the Colbert Report. In this show, Stephen Colbert preaches incredibly senseless right wing propaganda in a form of satire known as Straw-Man humor. He does this so that people will see the rediculous idiocy inherent in the extremist rightwing political mindset. He is setting it all up, in hopes that the viewer's intelligence and logic will knock it down. This is another example of that. This article is obviously meant to outline the rediculousness of the LMU Elite by making it seem serious when in fact its a huge joke.

Please realise you're reading You Are Sketch, not Paris Hilton's personal Blog.

ha. this article is awesome. and ps, the student attacked at iggy's was innocent... the worker should have kept her cool as all employees of any service are supposed to do. so shut up poor people and work your ass off a little harder so you can stop bitching.

dude stop hating on teresa (aka the atudent that got attacked at iggys). shes a great friend and that iggys worker is the devil.

p.s. this shit is hilarious

[Jay]

I just want to comment on the fact that I thought the Loyolan was a little out of line posting her picture in the paper?!? As if the situation wasn't embarrassing enough, they had to post her picture like a mug shot on the front page. As a STUDENT newspaper, they should have thought about that.

whatever retard wrote this is a narcistic fuck with a 2" penis.

I think its hilarious how people can sit and say that it was the LMU students fault at iggy's when for one, they were not there, and two, the loyolan is a piece of shit. Furthermore, the only people who do know what happened were there, and I've heard from more than one primary source that the iggy's worker physically attacked the girl and no matter what theresa said or however you spell her name, there is no excuse for an employee to shoot up the place because of a couple typical rich kid commments. Anyone will tell you that retail is not fun, deal with it or get another job! Now to destroy my ethos in this post, that article was simply mmaaahhhvelouss! hahaha

where am i?

the girl that got attacked by the worker at iggy's was a stupid bitch anyways.

No she wasn't as stupid bitch...you don't even know her
and rich ppl go through hardships too...just like poor ppl, they may be different hardships but they still go through shit

yes rich kids have plenty of hardships such as deciding whether a plasma or a lcd tv would go better on their new yacht.

[fuck rich people]

ya but at least when rich people go through hardships they can just pay their way out of them. so a rich person should never complain about shit.

actually she is not a stupid bitch. she is a good friend of mine and id appreciate it if you shut the fuck up! seriously the loyolan was way out of line for posting her picture in the paper and not putting the pic of that beast who attackd...though her image would probably frightened small childredn and large dogs.

im not saying teresa is completely innocent, but workers cannot just assualt students. ive been working since i was 16 and there were plenty of times when there was an annoying customer in my face but i never hit them...are you saying that physical abuse is acceptable dumbass??

This was just written to get a rise out of people. plain and simple.