My Mid-College Crisis

Posted by Jay

I'm attempting to do something unthinkable. Something that six months ago I never thought I would do. When we envisioned YouAreSketch, we pictured satirical articles that sparked controversy. What I'm about to do could be the stupidest thing I've ever tried, is emo to the core, but is something I've wanted to try. I'm going to post the first serious article ever on this website and see what happens. This write-up may end up simply being another reason for my friends to make fun of me but that doesn't concern me because let's face it, there's no way I'm avoiding that.

So I was on the beach last night with a friend of mine when they mentioned, "Junior year is just weird..." Well put. What I've concluded about this past year is that my life has come to a turning point (and all of my friends have experienced the same feeling). It's that year when things start to seriously change, for worse or better I guess. Freshman year was all about beginnings and eye-opening intrigue; everything was an experience, life was exciting and you thought nothing would ever change. Sophomore year was comfort: you finally felt at home in your environment and you had a good idea of who your friends were; school got tough but you were too busy / drunk to care. But junior year is like a fucking mystery wrapped in a riddle, inside an enigma. I don't get it; hence, my mid-college crisis.

This crisis involves two aspects: fucked-up priorities and nauseating guilt.

Fucked-Up Priorities

Think back... Or, if you're a current freshman, just... think, I guess... What were your priorities? I remember caring about having a good time, making great friends, and establishing myself on my new "home turf." Getting my shit done was a hungover afterthought. I can honestly say that there is little I remember from freshman year because I was that drunk. But classes are never that hard freshman year so you just seem to get by; and the best part - you thought that would never change. I miss that uninhibited innocence from freshman year; there was nothing I was afraid to do or try, and the truth is I'm glad I did it all and didn't hold back. Sure we fucked up pretty bad at times and did some shit we never thought we'd ever do, but we're much better people because of that. My best high school bud Dave asked me the other day, "Four years ago, could you even fathom the possibility of doing what we do now?" For better (having successful academic careers) or worse (being drunk 5 of 7 nights a week), we never thought we'd be where we are.

Then things started to change. First semester sophomore year was a huge party because you live with all your friends in the same hall of the same dorm, and privacy is at a minimum. I remember always missing my alone time, and now sometimes I wish I was back in Tenderich with my door dead-bolted. Fucking irony. But by the end of sophomore year, the intrigue was pretty much gone. Nothing really surprised us anymore and now things just seem to be at a confusing stalemate. So what's my #1 priority? Who knows. This year, I think it's pointless to even prioritize. For most, I've noticed that junior year priorities revolve around class, work, your significant other, partying, and weirdly, family starts to play a bigger role again (because let's face it, you're getting closer and closer to having your own). Do I go to class or not (even though I have no reason not to go)? I have six different circles of friends now, should I party with one of them or study for a midterm? There is so much you have to do that you basically end up doing nothing. I know that sounds weird but case-in-point: when I go to work, I'm so tired from all the other shit that's been on my mind that I end up on FaceBook for three hours. Productive?

Nauseating Guilt

Before this year, my friend Matt would call me on a whim proclaiming, "Get your ass home, I have Date Rapes waiting for you..." If you don't know what a Date Rape is, essentially you going MIA all last summer, please consult Natalie Johnson, Taryn Ryder, Stefanie Galich, Dainee Jiminez, Megan Dorrian, and Sean Ivester for the spectacular ingredients that made for 4 AM-couch-jumping-relive-our-youth-slumber-parties at Playa. What happened? Now before I drink, I have to run fucking mental laps going over shit I haven't done, which takes all the fun out of the drinking process, hence sobering me up. Once again, fucking irony. No wonder I have to take 14 shots and punch myself in the face to feel buzzed these days. What happened to senior year of high school, getting drunk off of three beers?

The answer lies in the fact that I feel guilty for everything I do these days. If I have a rough night of drinking, I can't help but remind myself of the four hundred other productive things I had to do the night before, like write self-pitying YouAreSketch articles. All of a sudden this year I can't help but think that I am going to be out in the real world in a year with twenty dollars in my pocket trying to fend for myself in a Los Angeles music industry that thinks Paris Hilton can sing. Is that why I went to college? Not to mention, our generation is convinced that by twenty-five, you need to be settled, have everything figured out, and be rich. What is with our fascination with money? Most of our parents weren't rich until they were forty, yet we're losers if we can't buy tables at LAX in five years.

John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens while you're making other plans." As I get older, I guess that holds true. Hopefully this is just a phase that every college kid goes through, but I find that hard to believe when I watch my Santa Clara friends have "Kill a Fifth" contests at twenty-one years old. So, I hope I haven't bored you yet, but I want to make a plea to everyone reading this article to slow down, at least for a little while - which is funny coming from the guy who lives off of coffee, Red Bull, and sleeps five hours a night. And if you're a freshman, I'm jealous of all of you, and live it up. Honestly. College flies by, and before you know it, you'll be hitting your mid-college crisis and it will not be fun. So as excited as I am about being an elderly middle-class 9-5er, don't miss your opportunities to throw up outside Sharkeez, drink before class, and get so Adderalled out before midterms you start hallucinating. That may not sound fun to you now (but judging by the freshman I know, it does), you'll definitely miss it.

In conclusion, college can be many things. At times, strange... fun... unexplainable... emotional... But there is one thing that college will always be: undeniably, gutwrenchingly, and at times painfully... SKETCH.

I want to hear your thoughts about everything I've written so I can affirm without that a doubt that I am not some pathetic whiny loser, so leave some serious comments about your college experience and try to avoid the "... haha LOL, try rehab you pussy..." comments.

Until next time, I Love You.......... Jay

Comments

[Christine Bui]

It sounds like you got really high and started typing. Just wait until senior year!

wow i was just thinking about how fast college has been flying too. i wish i was back in whelan. i love you too jay sands

I've already hit that mid-College crisis you speak of. So what did I do about it?

I hopped on a plane and flew to Germany! I've been studying in Bonn for two months and have two more to go.

Coming here hasn't solved anything. I had hoped I would figure shit out--pass this damn phase--by the time I returned to Los Angeles in May. Sadly, I don't think that's going to happen. Even worse, it doesn't feel like a phase.
It just IS now.
There are certain questions I will always be asking myself. The best I can do is make little decisions and hope I end up in the right place.
Because, as I have learned, waiting around, trying to figure out what the fuck to do next is exactly when life starts passin' ya by.

If I had waited a little longer to make a decision to study abroad, I wouldn't fucking be in a cafe in Germany right now, having a beer and lighting a cigarette.

[KS]

Word

[John J.]

day in the life

[Jay]

Once again... John steals my terms... but he's right...

[kel]

hell. i'm in grad school right now. i often go to this site to relive my fond memores of lmu instead of questioning every single one of my life's decisions since 5th grade. trust me... it gets worse. the good news is (insert 5 minutes here while i thought of something good to tell you) ... eh fuck it. cherish what you have hun. i look back on my four years at lmu very fondly and with a lot of regret because i was way too eager to leave and get out into the "real world." once out, i was way too eager to get back in. i like where i'm at right now, panic attacks about career strategies and all, but it's so far behind what i once had. ah, sigh.

[John J.]

kel do you wanna date?

[Matt E]

Wow, so I just got back from a great spring break and checked to see what the sketchballs of youaresketch.com have to say, and what do they offer, not sketchy spring break stupid shit, but instead they decide to be depressing. Jay i just got back from drinking for a week, so fuck you for driving me right back to the bottle again. Man that article is depressing.

[Jay]

Hmmmm... Matt E - who could that be? You're in for a fight.

[kel]

hun, we're from two different worlds. i'm union cattle. you're harry o's... it'll never work. nice try though.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. whats funny about the above comment is that half the readers of this website wont get it.

[J]

I have JUST met my twin

[Sean]

Sounds like I'm basically fucked if I feel the mid-college crisis my freshman year then...?

yeah, sean. pretty much.

hallucinating on adderall......n00bs

[Evan]

Jay -

My man, I totally feel you. See, the difference is this: I'm not in school yet. I am ASPIRING to go to LMU while you guys are all laughing about it and mocking it. I, instead, went the way of the Marine Corps - military, yes. I have been in for over two years now, and still have three years left. Im stationed in Okinawa, Japan, currently deployed to Korea, I've been to Kuwait, Iraq, and Thailand as well. Im only 20 and have already been places so many kids my age never will be.

But I would rather be where you are right now than were I am.

Im not trying to say "hey, it could be worse" because I hate cop-out bullshit consolation phrases like that. But I spend my nights talking to my girlfriend (an LMU Alum) and planning my future - the next step from here is getting to where you are.

But back to my point. I took the road less traveled to try to avoid the life that everybody else seems to take, to avoid the basic cliche of college after HS. But now I look at that life and realize that its where I want to be, an my fellow Marines around me all feel the same way.

So dont worry, the crisis will pass and you will realize that everything is ok. The road you are on is a good one, and you might just be over thinking some stuff.

Hang in there bro.

Evan

May we always remember the Crans.

[BCP 4 Life]

go jump off a cliff OR smoke hookah. try hookah first.

[Jay]

I've smoked more hookah in my day than you can dream of homeboy.

[Matt E]

i can attest for the hookah part, i was there for most of it. But the point BCP 4 life was trying to get at was... Sanjay quit being a bitch and just go back to harry O's or Sharky's and drink your life away.

[Summer]

alright honestly i cannot believe how dead on you were with this article! i 100% agree..this is my junior year and i don't think a day goes by that my roomates and i don't comment on what we wouldn't give to go back to freshmen year. it was almost like i didn't even know what the word guilt meant and i was drunk 6 days a week and never attended any class! haha

[hooka]

This is my first time visiting your blog and i must say i like it very much.
Your article was an educationa read.
I will surely check back here more often!



hooka

[John decruze]

your blog is great !!! nice to read this ... and thankx for sharing . . .

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