Which Frat formal was the best?

[Editor's note: We have another anonymous contribution from "Richard Slimdick." This one is about fraternity formals and I'd say it makes fun of every frat pretty equally... well, except for Sigma Lambda Beta. Can't win em all.]

Hello girls and welcome back to another edition of LMU Greek Life.  One of the greatest things about joining a frat at LMU, is the beloved "formal" that takes place at the end of every spring semester.  These formals are usually just weekends in which guys try to finger you, (unless you're at Betas), at an exotic location where you will enjoy non stop drinking, shouting really loud, watching people throw up and just partaking in hardcore college thrilled partying till you die action.  If you got invited to any formal, you at least have proven to the rest of the girls that you know how to cock-tease a guy enough to the point where he thinks he'll get some.  It's almost like slutting yourself out without actually touching a penis.  Get used to it.  You'll be doing it a lot later on in life and twice as much if you’re a Delta Gamma.  With all that being said, we hope you enjoy our coverage on what frat formal was the best and enjoy un-tagging all those shitty pictures on facebook when you're done reading this.

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Sig Ep

Ahhh Catalina.  A small rocky island off the coast of California filled with lush trees, golf carts, old people, and.... frat guys?  Yes, for the past few years, Sig Ep has had their annual formal on Catalina Island which is basically their overrated way of saying to every other frat guy "Fuck you, I’m rich and we can do better than Mexico."  But can they?  It is still beyond us why raging frat douches would rather go to a nice retirement resort rather than a debauchery filled, drug induced purple hazed Mexico trip.  Nevertheless, many girls still see Catalina has a prized opportunity to show how high their social status has climbed since that one year they opted for a Lambda Chi San Diego chode-fest in 2003.  That being the case, I’m sure every sig ep had a great time at formal but might have started getting antsy near the end due to there being a lack of weight rooms and protein shake blenders on the island.  I’m sure more than a few of them had their fair share of protein on the trip though. Huh?  Don't get it?  Haha!  They blow eachother! Congrats on returning from a successful formal at Fratalina and if you are over the age of 19, you will never get invited to Catalina ever again.

Quick Facts

Location:  Catalina Island

Why you got invited:  You're hot

Sorority You’re Most Likely In:  Alpha Phi

Most Commonly Used Drug on trip:  Hookah and Corona

Wildest Moment: That one time when that club bouncer mad dogged all those sig eps because their muscle shirts were tighter than his.  That was insane!

Fun Fact:  Sig Ep's annual body building contest at formal was disbanded in 1998 due to tanning oil being replaced by anal lube resulting in 15 Sig Eps getting a horrible skin rash (their entire chapter at the time)

”Don’t you ever make fun of my motha fuckin penis!”

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Sigma Chi

Finally a frat formal that actually makes some kinda sense.  Sigma Chi going to Rosarito is a lot like taking a pedophile to a daycare center for a weekend and telling them to "have fun!".  It's a perfect fit.  This trip was more than likely everything you imagined it would be.  A lot of throwing up, blowing up, snorting up, toking up, Donkey shows, Fat ass hoes, and of course...masturbating.  We guarantee there was at least one make out session on the trip too.  And yeah, we mean make out session between two dudes.  No matter how frat-tastic these guys act at school, it still always seems to come out at formal that they're all really just a bunch of overrated pussies who love smoking pole.  These guys eat more sausage than Ana Nicole Smith in a retirement home.  Oh yeah, she died.  Don't worry, Sigma Chi's rep did too. 

Quick Facts

Location:  Rosarito, Mexico

Why you got invited:  You're "just one of the guys"

Sorority your most likely in: Theta

Most Commonly Used Drug on trip:  Viagra

Wildest Moment:  Ummm... TWO GUYS ACTUALLY MAKING OUT WITH EACHOTHER?

Fun Fact:  Contrary to popular belief, making out with a Sigma Chi does not give you Herpes, but having unprotected sex with one does.

Unfortunately this cup was never actually used for drinking

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ADG

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!  Did you even return from the trip or are you still stuck in Tijuana county lock-up next to your new best friend Senor El Fuego.  This is by far the most dangerously fun formal you can go to and is basically the less overrated version of Sigma Chi make-out fest.  If you're not in an alcohol induced coma by now, I’m sure you had a great time across the border and let us know how it feels to actually wake up next to a naked ADG.

Quick Facts

Location:  Rosarito, Mexico

Why you got invited:  You drink more than Lindsay Lohan at her 14th birthday party.

Sorority your most likely in:  Pi Phi (hahaha)

Most Commonly Used Drug on trip:  Pot Brownies dipped in Clorox with crushed roofies sprinkled on top.

Wildest Moment:  Drinking a handle, giving date a hand-job, throwing up, passing out (mid hand-job), waking up, eating a slim jim, drinking another handle (mid hand-job), passing out again, waking up, and then getting on the bus to go to Mexico.

Fun Fact: ADG used to have their formal at Chuck E Cheese's but were not allowed back when two brothers were caught boning their dates in the ball-pit.

Finally an ADG is able to pass out next to his date.  (The Toilet.)

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Lambda Chi

If you're reading this and you actually went to Lambda Chi formal you're more than likely getting ready to graduate... from High School.  First it must be noted that the reason this formal was in the middle of nowhere is because these guys actually got kicked out of San Diego the year before.  You would think with 18 club promoters in their chapter, they could somehow still finagle their way back to San Diego and not have to settle for a white trash Casino Slapdick in palm fucking desert.  Lambda Chi officially gets the prize for worst formal location right behind Sig Ep's Catalina and Kappa Sigma's Hannnon Loft Formal.  I’m sure this formal was everything you expected it to be.  Horrible.  Thank god you'll be invited to Mexico next year right? Uhhhh.... right?

Quick Facts:

Location:  Cabazon, CA

Why you got invited:  Because you suck

Sorority your most likely in:  High school’s don’t have sororities.

Most Commonly Used Drug on trip:  Dick

Wildest Moment:  Your date took an extra chew of tobacco!  Some other guy wore extra hair gel at the formal!  Someone said "Man if only Sanjay were here, this would be awesome!" and everyone laughed and cheered!

Fun Fact: Lambda Chi was pursued by MTV last year film a TRUE LIFE documentary titled "MORONGO:  THE REAL FRAT FORMAL" but footage turned out so god damn boring that filming ended half way through.  PBS plans on airing the footage early next year.

"If only the guys at Harry O’s could see me now!”

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Sigma Lambda Beta

Oh Jesus, even I have no idea.  I’m not touchin this one with a 5 foot pole. 

Quick Facts:

Location: N/A

Why you got invited:  N/A

Sorority your most likely in:  N/A

Most Commonly Used Drug on trip:  N/A

Wildest Moment:  N/A

Fun Fact: N/A

No caption available

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Beta

If we were betting people, we'd bet all our money that Beta's formal sucked.  Unfortunately, due to a mishap by their E-board, the formal was supposed to be held at the Las Vegas Hilton where the 22nd annual Star Wars convention was being held.  Ron Burgundy said it best.  Go fuck yourself San Diego.  You have officially housed the biggest nerd convention since Lambda Chi last year.  The only difference is, those guys actually got laid.  Who cares if the girls were still in High School!   We know this formal was a waste of a weekend but hey, look on the bright side, at least it wasn't Catalina.

Quick Facts

Location:  Sunken Gardens

Why you got invited:  You didn't

Sorority you're most likely in:  Sig Ep

Most Commonly Used Drug on trip:  Pepsi and Pizza

Wildest Moment:  Watching Problem Child 1 and 2 in your hotel room.

Fun Fact: Beta actually means Boner in Swedish.

It looks like there are no girls in the picture but that’s because they’re just dressed up as storm troopers.

If you're offended by any of this, Go fuck yourself. You're in a frat.

Comments

I agree

[camille]

HAHAHAHHAHA! this guy is hilarious and never ceases to amaze me

[Martine]

I just wanted to share this conversation that took place at convo the week before formals:

Teresa: Martine are you going to any formals?
Martine: No, apparently I'm not slutty enough
Teresa: hahaha
Bridget: Heyyyyyy

well, i rather enjoyed that.

oh my god who the fuck wrote this

hahaha amazing... i love it

[Bridget M]

Martine I don't know what that means....

Pi Phi... So true for the ADG boys