The 100th Post!

Posted by Jay

We have officially reached a milestone: the 100th post on YouAreSketch, which just happens to coincide perfectly with our one year anniversary. Congratulations readers, you have allowed John, JV and I to run our mouths to such an extent that we are actually starting to think we are somewhat popular and that our company is mildly enjoyed by others (both of which are completely untrue). This website has served as a "forum for student opinion," and will remain as such. And remember... When I say "forum for student opinion," I mean completely biased and close-minded propoganda with a narrow scope and obscenely inappropriate topics that merit no real discussion.

What fuels you guys to keep this website going? That is one question that always seems to surface in discussing our anniversary. I guess the best answer is that this website keeps my life interesting and exciting. I mean, this website has really changed my life for the better over the past year. How, you ask? Last year, I was some booknerd who hung out at my desk studying half the day and layed pretty low. One year, five hundred Ketel Tonics and a 2.7 GPA later, the only extracurricular activity I partake in is running away from that Tri Delt who is somehow still bitter about the sorority article. That can be reduced into girls chasing me around campus. And I mean without the website, I would never have college girls chasing after me, right? Right. Awesome.

To commemorate this very special occasion and to show how YouAreSketch has made for some very interesting moments, I have compiled a "Top 10 YouAreSketch Moments" list... enjoy...

Top 10 YouAreSketch Moments

10. The Horrible "YouAreSketch GOES TO VEGAS!" Promotion Idea: Early last school year, we thought a good promotion idea for the site would be to stage a trip and document (blog and video) our entire vacation. Shocking, the three of us chose Vegas as the scene due to its inherent sketchiness... and for other reasons. Two handles of Smirnoff later, JV was blacked out dead, John lost all his money playing craps for five minutes, and I destroyed my camera with my bare hands. In an effort to recover whatever was left from my memory card, he found one picture. Yes... it is the homoerotic, critically-acclaimed photo directly above this post that we will never live down. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I was supposed to submit that photo to Virginia Tech Campus Police for record-keeping purposes.

9. Rory: Okay, whoever the fuck this "Rory" girl is, she has definitely been the star-commenter (a.k.a. I have to send her comments to a lab to uncover their true meaning because they're so fucking confusing) of the past year. We don't know much about her. We don't know how old she is. We don't know what color hair she has. We don't know that she doesn't have autism. What do we know? She is a huge whore who has verbally-committed to engaging in sex with all three of us at different points in the past year. JV can't wait!

8. The FRAT!!! Article: It is one thing to make fun of our posts. It is something completely different to criticize an anonymous post the way readers did with this one. I could not help but laugh when every post followed in the same fashion: "WHAT A FUCKING DOUSCHE!!! Honestly one of the worst things I've ever read... I would rather get branded and socially-alienated for life than read this one more time. What was this piece of shit thinking?!?!" Don't hold back... Any other constructive criticism? Jesus.

7. When John Got an IPhone: I can't decide which is a bigger deal... the fact that we've been around for a year, or the fact that John has NASA intelligence at his fingertips. I hear that just by holding it in your palm, it measures your blood-alcohol level, it can pinpoint which girls around you are most aroused, and most importantly for John... can predict your mood.

6. Rejecting An Article: There is nothing more invigorating and exciting than telling some kid his article isn't good enough for our website. Do you know how bad an article has to be to not make the cut? You have to be almost as bad as JV. You would not believe some of the shit we get. This one kid sent us a comic strip about how an IPod gets into a fight with ITunes or something like that. Although intriguing, not at all topical. Then there was the gentleman who decided to send us poetry. He must have had us confused with YouAreGay.Com. Or maybe he just wanted JV to take him to Casablanca.

5. That One Time Taryn's Mom Googled Her Name and All That Came Up Were YouAreSketch Articles: Some girls are famous for winning awards. Some girls get praised for athletic ability (haha). But when your Mom googles your name, and the first result that comes up is a link to an article on our website discussing how you black out and hook up with guys, now THAT IS REAL RECOGNITION!!! Although she almost shot me at the time, I gradually argued that she should see the real value in being unique and not like all those other prude girls. I told her that there was no glory achieving common greatness like the rest of those girls, but instead she was different and made a name for herself in another way. Four weeks later... she had herpes.

Just kidding Taryn's Mom.

4. Almost Getting Expelled: In the weeks after judicial action was taken against me, common questions were "HOW BAD WAS YOUR GPA?!" and "Dude, where did you get caught dropping acid?" I am officially the first student in the country to get in trouble with the university over a YouAreSketch article / FaceBook wall post. In hindsight, I probably should not have posted pictures of students passed out drunk on the Class of 2011 FaceBook group and written an expose on how to sneak alcohol into freshman dorms. Not smart. But I'll give it to them -- well done administration! Forget about the drug problem, SoCal kids mauling over small children with their skateboards, and students dropping out... Let's go after FaceBook crimes! I don't know whether I was just an easy target or whether they got bored, but nonetheless, I have disproved the common misconception that actions speak louder than words.

3. The Sketch Posterchild of the Week: I can take credit for this mental masterpiece. When I came up with the idea for a weekly sketch posterchild, I was under the impression that it would become a venue for drawing attention to prominent figures on campus who were HELLA sketch. What it became blew my large and intelligent mind. Like its predecessor, the "I'm Extremely Overrated" FaceBook group started by Matt Shanfield, people began to beg me to highlight them as Posterchild. Did they miss the point? It is a definite NEGATIVE to be overrated or Sketch Posterchild. Yet people still wanted their 15 Minutes of Sketch.

2. JV's Recent "Dismissal": This is the first time John and I have spoken about this on the website and it pains me to do so. Unfortunately, JV has recently been ranting and raving about his new job on ASLMU and due to his constant campus presence, school spirit and newfound scholastic diligence, John and I have found him unfit to retain his position as YouAreSketch correspondent. He was "dismissed" a week ago without severance or even a gentleman's handshake because John and I have maintained strict confidentiality and behavioral standards here at YouAreSketch and JV has grossly violated both. So, here is the moment you have all been waiting for: YOUARESKETCH IS HIRING AN INTERN! You will be thoroughly trained on how to talk shit effortlessly, make fun of defenseless freshmen, and wear cut-off T-shirts at Convo. Oh yeah... and this is the first time JV has been informed of his dismissal so go easy on him in the coming weeks.

and

1. The Sorority Article: What a genuinely momentous event this was. I mean, I never could have imagined the shitstorm this article created. Was it funny? Yes. Was it crude? Yes. Was it a little fucked up? Uh huh. But was it true? Absolutely. Although emphatically denying this article's credibility at first, preaching lines like "It was a complete joke!" and "Yeah, I know -- that guy is an IDIOT for writing that...", I can honestly say after the fact that this was the greatest YouAreSketch moment of the past year. It was so great in fact that our analytics made Google look like a paralyzed seagull; not to mention that it spawned a black market for the article that continues to this very day. It was so popular in fact that people actually tried to hack into Jorgensen's IPhone to get it from his email, but they were rejected when his phone spoke to them in foreign tongues asking for a retina scan before access could be granted. The funniest part about this article was that it was completely randomly, coincidently released during Rush Week... ooooooops.

No but seriously... this website has made each of our lives significantly worse... CHEERS!

Comments

i agree.

congrats to tyler for the sketch posterchild... its way overdue. i was one of the lucky kids who went to rosarito (and i believe our total number was about 25 in a 5 bedroom if you include the uperclassment sketchyness that showed up midway and minus those who got sent home-- litterally). we did in fact make a short film entitled "top 10 reasons we wont be getting our deposit back" the last night but found out later that it had been drunkenly taped over somewhere between the condo and the mexican border. but speaking from experience, tyler is way sketch. he even has a sketch birdcall. heannnh!

[rory]

gaysands, your sentimental side displayed in this post makes me want to do very, very dirty things to jv because i'd rather do him than a pussy.

[Jay]

HAHHAHAAHHA oh I'm the pussy?!?

[rory]

but i still love you.
i've heard good things about what you're packin'. ;)

will the sorority article ever get released

[Jay]

After I graduate, I'll release it as a graduation present... and Rory... you have NO idea.

[rory]

gaysands, sweetie, i think EVERYBODY at convo has an idea, love.

[JV]

I say when Rory reveals herself (or himself or itself), we reveal the Sorority article. And I'm not suggesting this for any personal reasons.

[matt]

Ok, I was looking to see if anyone posted anything funny about this article, only to find out that these posts have turned into something bordering the line of a freshman girls wall post and an IM session. On another note, this Rory character seems a bit over rated, and I can tell that Sanjay is probably getting blue balls trying to figure out what she looks like. Sanjay, dont get your hopes up, I'm sure its a dude pretending to be a chick, that or your Rory and you have been posting to yourself so people think your cool. I'm going with the later. Just wanted to throw that out there.

[rory]

aww poor baby, i think SOMEBODY is jealous.

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