Sketch Predictions Part 1 of 3

Posted by JV.

Over the course of the next few days, we will be making our predictions for the upcoming school year. While it would be too easy to say things like a Sig Ep will tear a pec muscle bench pressing, a Theta (most likely Slammin' Sami) will get too blacked out for an exchange or a Beta will...I don't know...appear at a Star Wars convention, these predictions may or may not happen, but considering the sketchiness of some of the things that transpire at LMU, I'd say they're pretty accurate.

1. There will be a "racist" issue on campus. There are three things that are certain to happen at LMU: Convo Hour, a Whelan third-floor resident getting her stomach pumped and a "racist" situation. I quote racist, because as we all know, racism is taken out of proportion at LMU. Far be it for me to suggest that ALL racism issues on campus are taken out of proportion because like the incident my freshman year where the campus came together to combat discrimination, there are times where it is not only a legitimate issue but a necessity to purge these bigots. However, the operative term is legitimate. Campus media, particularly our beloved Loyolan (haha) can't seem to find the difference between some drunken stick figure drawing in Rosecrans and a swastika. I can see the potential, breaking news Loyolan headlines now: STUDENT DISLIKES HER SUSHI AND THROWS IT AWAY. LEAF IN HANNON APARTMENTS FOUND IN THE SHAPE OF A SWASTIKA. BLACK MARKER FOUND IN ST. ROBS SEPARATED FROM THE BLUE, RED, AND GREEN ONES: POSSIBLE RACIST INTENT. Give me a fucking break. Does the Loyolan have nothing better to do than misconstrue typically harmless events? There's so much more interesting shit going on on campus. ASLMU events(shameless plug #1), Greek events, freshgirls at parties, service org projects you name it. There's no reason to be a shit-instigator and perpetuate the diversity uneasiness that apparently exists on this campus. If Loyolan readers wanted to read something stupid, they'd go to this site (shameless plug #2).

2. Bad Dog Ale House will be the New Harry O's. Not Mad Cow. Or Big Dog. Or Mad Dog. Bad Dog. While the events of the past week have given the place some bad pub, let's be honest, LMU students are ADD and are over it within a week. No matter how great any bar can be at any given night, LMU students still want to go somewhere else...again, ADD. Especially with legendary promoters Ryan Silver and Pat Volosin in the mix to get this place going, there's no doubt that by the time the year is over, there is no fake ID wielding/21 year old LMU student that hasn't heard of this place. Forget that the place looks shady. Forget that it has some creep regulars. OR that it gets hot as fuck inside. AND that the cop station is around the corner. AND that it is being monitored by El Segundo police for alleged drug trafficking. LMU students just wanna fuckin' dance, and they've got a decent dance floor and cheap booze to satisfy you. So bring your besties and get ready to sweat profusely.

3. A.C. Supper Club aka "FlowMotion" will be the New Harry O's. According to the Facebook group, the place boasts "LIveMuSic,DJ,DrInKs,and a posh hangout for LMUers." Now I'm not sure why it looks like it was written by a 12 year old Asian chick but nonetheless, the description is pretty accurate. Though you'd swear you thought you were in Hollywood, it's actually conveniently situated in between a KMart, soup kitchen and a bum named Earl. One of the only things I remember from the night I was there other than Thomas Ousterhout dryhumping some chick was that the place had a sick bar. Like it had all of their alcohol displayed Vegas style as if meaning to say, "Yeah we know we're in Venice and we have limpdicks like Jonny Luis promoting for us, but fuck you, we can still afford Popov!". So if you're ever around the Venice bodegas looking for a bong, mousy on over to FlowMotion or AC Supper Club or AC or whatever the fuck it's called afterward and pay $9 for a mixed drink in Venice! Sweet!

4. Someone Will Get Seriously Injured because of the Poorly Thought Out Detour in the Middle of Campus. I get it. We're building a new library. A library that most of us won't benefit from. But that doesn't mean campus should be less safe because of it. As it is, most LMU students drive like fucking maniacs. But then throw in the bro'd out skateboarders, the oblivious cell phone talkers who wouldn't know if God walked in front of them, cheerleaders on Razor Scooters (WTF is that all about anyway) and the antisocial iPod listeners and chances are, by the time the year is over, someone will have gotten hit by a car. By no means am I wanting this to happen, but whoever is or was responsible for designing the detour out in front of Hilton should be ready to pay for someone's reconstructed hip flexor. I'm sure they could've come up with something better than what's out there. If ASLMU (plug #3) can get Slightly Stoopid, Yellowcard, and Dane Cook to school, I'm sure the administration can devise a better way for students to move around campus.

5. We Will Repost the Sorority Article. We can't get in trouble after graduation, right?

Comments

Actually, a Beta would be more likely to appear at Club Tigerheat in West Hollywood!

#5 should be your graduation present to the whole society...as well as a farewell.

We need it. We've been patient enough to wait for it.

Bring it back. :)

[rory]

giving the asian boy some love after sangay's post acquired some sketch reactions.

[Ted]

you should probably modify the sorority and fraternity articles to spice it up for those that have already seen it...is that a challenge? i think so